The Confession

Hello.

Hello. Hi. Hey.

I don't think I can do this.

Yes you can. Go ahead. We've all been there. The first step toward healing is admitting you have a problem.

I don't have a problem.

Then why are you here? You're here for a reason, right? Start again.

I feel stupid.

We all felt stupid. It's normal. You're not stupid. None of us is stupid. You have a problem. We all have the same problem. And once you admit you have a problem, it's the first step in what you need to do to get better. It's the hardest step, but once you take it, you will start to get better.

Really? I just don't...

Yeah. Really. So go ahead.

OK. Hello.

Hey, pal.

My name is Bob, and I'm addicted to....

Addicted to what, Bob?

I'm addicted to.... Oh, this is so stupid.

You've got to stop saying that.

I'm addicted to... Webkinz. God, that sounds stupid.

It's not stupid. Go on.

I'm addicted to Webkinz. I don't know why, but I am.

That wasn't so hard. Do you feel better?

Not much.

It's a big step, Bob, but it's only the first one. Let's take another step. How did you get started on Webkinz, Bob?

My kid got one for his birthday, months ago. A little green frog, a glorified beanie baby. Big deal. My wife said there was a website you could go to where you could play games, and she gave me the little ID tag with the signup information. Big deal, right? I figured it was probably a pay site where I'd have to give 'em a credit card and pay 'em a monthly fee. No way, there's plenty of free games on the Internet, so why would I want to pay for one? So I ignored it, but every couple of weeks, my wife would ask, "When are you going to sign up Aaron on that website?" And I'd give her the usual brush-off. But finally one night, I pulled out the little tag and went to the website. Lo and behold, it was free. So I signed him up.

And then?

I watched him for a few weeks, and it didn't seem like a big deal. A room where you could buy furniture and clothes for your animal, kinda like the Sims, right? The Wheel of Wow. A bunch of arcade games with fuzzy animals. Mini golf, a battleship knockoff, and a polar bear sledding down a mountain. I didn't pay it much attention. But Aaron was getting frustrated because he wasn't earning money fast enough to buy furniture. So after everyone went to bed, I started playing Mini Golf to earn him some points, Webkinz cash they call it. Then I started playing the solitaire card game. And another game where you earned points by typing words that appeared on the screen. And then the Boggle knockoff that earned Aaron big money. Really big money. Well, not real money, but real in Webkinz world.

You did it for the kid.

Yeah, I did it for the kid. That's what I kept telling myself. It was for Aaron. It made him happy. But I kept playing longer and longer, staying up later and later. I told myself I wasn't hooked, that I could stop at any time. But I couldn't stop. I played every night instead of doing productive things, like paying the bills or folding laundry. I tried to bargain with myself and set limits. "You can play a game of Quizzy's Word Challenge if you balance the checkbook." Then, it was "You can play six games of Stack 'Em Up Solitaire if you upload new photos to the website." But it wasn't enough, it wasn't ever enough.

It's very addictive. They make it addictive, so you keep coming back for more.

Well, it got out of hand when I.... No, I can't admit this.

Yes, you can. We've all done it. Believe me.

I... I started playing Webkinz at work.

Amen, brother. Amen.

I told myself I wouldn't do it, that I'd confine my Webkinz to home. But I had a bad day at work. I don't know what it was. Somebody got angry, somebody yelled at me, somebody wouldn't help me, whatever. It doesn't matter what it was, it only matter what I did about it. I played a game of Quizzy's at work. I was hesitant to do it, because I know they're watching what we surf, but I figured the network admins wouldn't notice one hit on a games website in the middle of a bunch of work. And I've seen the receptionist playing solitaire a bunch of times, so why couldn't I have a break? I deserve it, right, probably even more than she did? So I took a half an hour and played one game of Quizzy's, and it felt wonderful. But it left me wanting more. So I told myself I could keep it under control, play a game of Quizzy's every day at lunch, just for a break. And it was all right, for a while.

It always is at the beginning.

I held it together for a while, but it started getting out of hand, and I played more and more. Once when I got into work, once at lunch, and then again before going home. I started not caring if they caught me. I started not caring if I got fired. It made me feel good when I played Webkinz, it made me feel smart, it made me feel like I was accomplishing something. On the Webkinz I felt in control, in command, while the rest of my life was a chaotic, spinning puzzle. Sigh.

And then what.

Aaron's Webkinz account was overflowing with imaginary cash, but my own checkbook was being neglected. I'd sneak Webkinz before dinner, I'd sneak Webkinz while the kids were getting a bath, I'd sneak Webkinz instead of reading books to the kids. I started combing eBay to see if I could sell excess Webkinz cash as a part-time job. You can't, but I kept looking, kept hoping.

So why are you here?

I know it can't continue. I know the Webkinz is taking me nowhere. It feels good when I'm doing it, but I'm not getting anywhere with it. I know now that I need to stop. It's so hard, though. I find myself thinking about Webkinz in meetings at work, in the car on the drive home, at the dinner table when I'm supposed to be paying attention to the family. The addiction is hardest when I'm at a computer monitor, though. I find myself drifting from cnn.com to espn.com to fark.com, and from there to the inevitable. My fingers tap-tap the URL, http://www.webkinz.com/. The animals pop up on the screen, and they look so friendly, so inviting, so eager to be my good time pals again. But their friendship is empty, and all that lies beyond the username and password are imaginary riches that lead to real heartache.

This is a good start, Bob. A great start. You understand, though, that you have an addictive personality, and that you're extremely vulnerable right now. You need to replace bad habits with good ones, at least for the time being while the wounds heal. Have you thought about that? What can you use to replace the Webkinz void in your life while you get through these first few months?

Sheesh, I dunno, I dunno. Do you think I could make some real money at the PartyPoker?